Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i used baking grease as lip gloss
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
