Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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