Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
