hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
