hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
