Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You are a genius and a whore.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
