Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
