I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
