I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
