So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
