Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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