There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
