Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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