To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I touched a dick in church today
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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