i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
