we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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