I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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