using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
