Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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