is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
soo... how was my night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
