I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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