You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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