Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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