So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
