When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
