I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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