Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize