He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
