Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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