she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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