I wanna passion pit in your ass
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So squirting runs in the family.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
