UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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