was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
