I wish I could teleport
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
