Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
