when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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