In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
