I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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