It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
