I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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