So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
