have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
