I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
