in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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