i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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