I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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