Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
