guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
