She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
