he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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