if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
