oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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