Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
