Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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