That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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