WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
