I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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