After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
