Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
