so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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