My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize