Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
