well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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