oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
