porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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