I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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