i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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