so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my poor anus
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
