If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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