No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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