Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize