sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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