I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
