new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
