somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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