Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize