I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
