Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
