a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
