one two three fourrrrnication!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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